My boyfriend of nearly 5 months just broke up with me, saying he was too messed up to be in a relationship. The first thing to do is to remember that not all relationships are perfect. Hell message you if he changes his mind. From the article above, the topic My depressed boyfriend broke up with me is discussed. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, what is the best way to navigate this? And thats what it does. She said she still has a lot of love for me, and care for me more than anyone else she knows, and that she still want me in her life, she wants to be there for me, and she wants me to be there for her, as we were best friends before being boyfriend/girlfriend. We met randomly through a mobile game app, it was totally unexpected and never would have we thought that we could fall in love with someone that way and so far from each other. If your ex is going out a lot, sleeping with other women, and having a good time, he obviously isnt depressed or having a hard time coping with stress. Affairs arent the only problems, she says. Take care! Thank you all. To him, breaking up is a self-defense mechanism as he assumes that pushing you away will allow him to focus on himself and prioritize his emotional health. It tells him youll soon want him to reach your standards and meet your needs, so hed rather not stick around for that. My girlfriend is actually going through major depression, she also think she might even be bipolar, since her mom is also bipolar. Shes going through a really really hard time and that affected how she felt about a lot of things in her life. 1 Feb 20, 2017 #1 My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Breakups are always difficult, going through one can be a traumatic experience. He told me exactly this I cant do this anymore, Ive hit my lowest point. But after he went to the hospital that day, he stopped telling me loved me, stopped being affectionate and loving all together. If anyone wants to connect and talk through it together, I would love that because none of my friends have been through this before to really advise :/. You can't wait around forever, but what you can do is try to live your life well and if things turn around, great - if not, you've still got your life. As a result I continued to stay isolated from most people and could be a weight on his shoulder. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the. I have no desires to truly speak of, as nothing I do is rewarding or satisfying. This is exactly how anhedonia feels. Im feeling sad but better as days goes on. In this post, well talk about what to do if your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression. All she had was work, studies, and she had to learn to pay bills on her own, manage her money and have to worry about it. I was sad for him and sad for us. I desperately wish he had gotten help or spoken to me before he decided our relationship was too much work but I also am so angry because it feels like he didnt fight for us in any kind of way. Week into my breakup now. This can make it hard for them to be around people, even if the person, their partner in that matter, is supportive and understanding. His friends had taken him to a psychiatrist & has been on medication ever since! Copyright OptimistMinds 2023 | All Rights Reserved. So stay in no contact, get therapy, and do your best to get over your ex. When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. But you will have a hard time if you want to do it. We talk or text everyday, but then his calls and text were getting father apart. He feels smothered by you and thinks he should stop feeling smothered before he can work on himself. Should I message him in a few weeks asking how hes doing? He just knew he couldnt bear it. Because I still so badly want to be concidered his girlfriend etc. It was like he was pulling away from me. I wish I can give you a hug because we all need it. This is hard to hear, but you need to be aware of that possibility, Amy. Follow the rules of no contact and let him come to you. Don't take it personally when he pushes you away or avoids your calls/texts 3. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. I was not a perfect stepmother and it ruined his love. During the month of September I noticed there had been something off with him, he wasn't putting in effort to talk to me, see me etc. In my case my ex associated me with negative memories relating to issues with his son. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. Treat your partner with love, show him hope and remind yourself about his condition as an illness and that he does not have control over it. Its not you, its me is an excuse dumpers use to prevent dumpees from blaming them for the breakup and making things difficult for them. If your partner is reluctant to communicate, please do not force him. Its not uncommon to get blindsided by a depressed boyfriend. He denies hes depressed but I guess a lot of men do. My boyfriend of two months became very overwhelmed with events happening in his life that were out of his control. Everything in our relashionship went well, as usual, until when she started her 2nd year of college in September 2020. And he cant adult right now. And although that is the case, the most commons symptoms of depression are: Depression can have a big impact on a persons relationship. Looks like we went through this horrible experience on the exact same day. He told me the other day he started to feel bad again recently and he needs to take a break and that he didnt want to do this because he knew how much it would hurt me and it made him so upset. When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. He told me he was getting better when I asked him if his new meds were workingwhy doesn't he think we can work as a team and get through this, if I have made it clear that I'm more than willing? Ok, first and foremost, I'm very happy that in a relationship as hard as this one, you found the resilience to fight for it. But now he thinks it is unfair to me; that he is unhappy, therefore can not make me happy. And as their behavior changes with you, as well as with other people, you might start to fear the relationship is reaching its end. Does he appear sad and depressed after the breakup? he has a history of depression and grew up without a mother; he has 2 kids from a previous marriage in another country very difficult situation but the love we felt for each other was intense. If your boyfriend broke up with you because of your depression, all I can tell you is that you deserve better. Even though it may have its ups and downs, so do all relationships. So if your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression, dont immediately assume that his only issue is his mental health. Genes are not the only factor responsible though. We did not see much of each other face to face due to work schedules and because of the other things above. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Home Relationships My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. You have a lot to think about but there are resources and I wish you all the best as you try to figure this out. I told him I will wait for him while he works things out. My boyfriend is depressed and yesterday he broke up with me, he told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't have the time to give me the attention that I deserve. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me - Tiny Buddha This should be your priority other wise your partner is going to make you anxious and force you to overinvest in him and the relationship. Hi, I have been in a (very) long distance relationship for about a year and a half. The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow, or it will leave you, so its absence will give you pain.. Talk to him about what are the changes he is facing(physical and mental).ask him questions like, are you feeling low about something?, have your motivation to work gone?. I also found out that he had stopped medication prior to the breakup because he felt like they werent working as he has started getting suicidal thoughts again (he has also written suicidal notes recently, however Im not sure if this is true or not). I wish you are doing very well now after 20 days. What Eckard means is that people depend on external sources for happiness and your ex will probably as well. We've been going out over 5 years and hasn't seemed himself the past few months and then we were together and he suddenly broke down and told me he has developed anxiety and could be depressed and thinks we need to break up so can can be by himself too. Im just hurting so bad and I dont want him to throw away something so great. We have not spoken in two weeks. But everything, all of that, vanished this Tuesday, 3 days ago. In the beginning we struggled as he had deeper feelings for me. What is way more important than your relationship is your partners health. maybe we can talk privately? Thats why depressed dumpers dont go into detail too much. Depression sometimes puts additional weight on a relationship and makes the couple struggle to stay emotionally connected. You can tell them you are sorry it didnt work out, and let them. I have been in no contact since 2 weeks now. Other brain areas involved are the striatum ( responsible for reward system) and the insula (consciousness and self-awareness). Dont let this impact how much you admire your partner, but also leave an open door for checking on each other. He lost his mum, dad, and 2 best friends all in the space of 2 years. I want him back, but I also dont want to throw anymore good time after bad. To express my support and I got a message to not go to his house. I did drop a letter off at his home when wasnt there. hello, im going through something similar. I responded to you on the other article you commented. If he thinks he needs some space and time to be left alone, offer that to him. For the past 7 years, I have had the smallest flickering of emotions, what I feel on a daily basis is practically nil. Her 5 roomates that shares the house werent there at all, and due to covid some of them had to cancel the lease, so she ended up paying more bills than she planned before moving. Coming here and reading this article and all these comments, somehow makes me feel better. It really makes me mad because this probably only made it worse, she probably feel like she cant be helped at all and lose hope in any help, and it probably played on her mental health again since then. Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me? - Quora To him, the relationship became suffocating and tedious, so he thought he needed to get rid of as many stressors as he could. Contrary to happy, mature couples, selfish boyfriends tend to do whats best for them. I know I cant fix him so Im slowly starting to accept he may not deal with it or come back. After I got these thoughts out of my chest I knew I had to move on.I know I am doing all the right thing now I have exercised regularly; I have decided to get out of my bubble to get a job again to be involved with people/society; I have decided to refresh my wardrobe and look to feel good again about myself. 3 days ago my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me. If you want to get back to him even though he is depressed you can try to change things up. For example, they might be going through a traumatic situation, such as a divorce or the loss of a loved one. Besides getting professional help, as a partner and more than that as a friend, you should be supportive and kind to him. Remove Ads Nina85352392 over a year ago He did say, its me, not you. Later on though he said I was a wonderful person and he doesnt want to lose me. I know, for a fact, he suffers from a depression. And guilt wont help him feel closer to you. My trauma was far more recent and his was years old ontop of that he was dealing with some other personal problems which he asked me to be understand and considerate of, and I was. This can make them feel even more guilty about their condition. Another aspect is concerning how the relationship was. I Miss My Ex-girlfriend So Much It Hurts! He cant be because someone who leaves when youre struggling emotionally is in the relationship only for the good times. I never asked him not to be her friend just not to bring her up because it brought back a lot of trauma for me. 3) Do depressed people go through the same stages of dumpers remorse as others? Its not your fault I promise its me. Before the breakup, he ghosted me for a week almost & told me he needs to think about things. He said he wants to focus on himself and getting back on track. The only way through this is to be honest with him about how you feel without attributing blame. Understand how each of you is responsible for caring for others, but at the same time, the other person is not responsible for fulfilling your every need.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); If, at any time, you see it is needed, find couples counseling, this will help you both deal with the challenges that may come. Always remember that people who care about you will stay in your life and come to your aid. How did your stories develop since you posted here? We love each other & I was honestly shocked when he blindsided me with a breakup. Continue with Recommended Cookies, The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. There are many types of depression, but we wont talk about all of them today. . Genetic inheritance may be a cause behind your partners depression which he has not got any control over. Before you engage in self-blame, though, you need to know that your ex-boyfriend left because he couldnt communicate his issues and work on his issues alone or with you. Youd think that a depressed person wants help, but thats usually not the case. Try to have a routine that will take care of both your emotional and mental health needs. But i am so heartbroken. There were times he triggered my trauma too, but I was able to forgive him for it but he says he still hasnt forgiven me. It doesnt feel like it was time. We had planned our future together, about getting an apartment and maybe having kids. TOPICS HEALTH INFO. Aside from that, it is important to know if his depression was caused by a specific situation, or if it is something they are still struggling with because if that is the case, they might not go back until it is resolved. Always consult your doctor about your medical conditions. It can be inferred that your boyfriend might have had extreme mood fluctuations which made him take such a decision of breaking up. Your ex-boyfriend doesnt think you can help him with his predicament. Lately he's been starting to feel depressed again and a couple of weeks ago he broke up with me saying he needs some time to work on himself. Its difficult to read that he has associated me with negative feelings like stressors but it also helps me to understand how we got here. As a human, a good friend, a well wisher please help them rather than making them feel they are responsible for the breakup. Very helpful is also storiedmind.com. I am quite confused and im unsure what to do, how to feel, how to react, so writing it down ease my mind. They leave their partners at their worst and run off to enjoy their lives to the fullest. I wrote him an extreme long message saying all this about how much I love him and also about how I reallt badly dont want this to be a breakup especially since we both love eachother SO much. He broke up with me. As a matter of fact, its only gotten worse because now youre getting frustrated as well. He decided that the best way to deal with smothering emotions was to get space from them and not deal with them at all. Tell him how his depression can be detrimental to his mental health, his career, his life and his relationships. Then we got really close, and our feelings grew stronger and we decided to take it a step further and be in couple. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Whatever your ex blamed the breakup on, he doesnt want you around. Depression works the same way. I obviously hope that we get back together after what she said, and looking back to what we had these past 3.5 years, she is truly a great person, we brought so much happinness to each other and loved each other from the bottom of our heart, we both really were looking forward to a future together. I dont want to go out to date because that is simply wrong although I do feel the need to talk it is a dilemma. To me, it feels like everything accelerated so fast and I dont understand where his feelings went. He suffers from depression, and I believe to also be bipolar.
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