Though some women seem to believe that is the case. Again, if a woman chooses to have a baby against the fathers stated wishes (and the law of the land says this is completely and totally her choice), then that is her choice. My heart broke into a million pieces. Hes just not ready to start a family. Its 100% ok if you cant or dont want to be in that situation. I wouldnt. No matter how many precautions you take, if a pregnancy occurs you have to accept that its because of what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. 1. Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. Unless Im sure the guy will make it worth my while, Im not going to do it. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. Abortion is safe and legal, right? Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. So on what grounds do you hold the carpenter for child support and let the IVF doctor walk? I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. And, you are not the choice. April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Whatever the case, youre not adding to the discussion. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. Is that fair to women? Maybe because she wants something to love. I would like to believe that someone near my dads own age would have more sense than this. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? submandave Why You MUST Let Him Come To You After A Break Up I dont have a problem with that. Both of those things cant be true, LW. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. I was just 6 months into a relationship when I got pregnant. Chuck Pelto )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. She left me for him and and now wants me back. He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. Remember that episode when Rachel told Ross she was pregnant and he freaked out because they used condoms? Shall I and all the other taxpayers? Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. But really, no one knows his true reaction. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph Mistakes That Can Make a Breakup Worse and What to Do Instead - Insider If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 It's like she's a completely different person. No one should be forced to abort a child, but no one should be forced to have one they do not want. Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). Ill never in a million years get it. A Breakup During Pregnancy Made Me Realize the Mom I Want to Be This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. Go argue with the feminists. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. In the current system he has the option to opt out any time prior to conception. The guy and the woman had sex. Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. So this guy sleeps with the first gal that catches his attention, but he only has eyes for you? If you have any self respect, dump the sob. am . So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. Youre wrong. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. REALLY? I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. John Rohan So while support is gender-blind, the points that get you to the question of support arent, which kind of means support isnt either. Stop going backwards. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. He didnt invest in your relationship. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. It's been really painful for me. April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. I cant help but think just as she has a choice to abort, keep or put up for adoption, he too has a choice and while not admirable, it may be for the best. Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. Turns out that the bout of food poisoning she got after their anniversary dinner and the diarrhea that came with it messed with the effectiveness of her birth control pills. 1. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. He also lowkey blames me because I initiated the breakup. April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. And he shouldnt, either. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. honeybeenicki Iwannatalktosampson Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? The law provides that the parent taking care of the child is entitled to support from the other parent. He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. Thats a dudes view. Placement deals with where they are physically. so its a little early to judge. Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. Dump this creep. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. You dont honestly believe that logic that applies to one situation should be applied to all situations, do you? Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. What a laugh. SpaceySteph But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. SpaceySteph Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. Made my day! Will he react the same? Its a great idea, really, for someone who is unfit and probably on the verge of abuse or something else horrible. Your Turn: "He Got Another Woman Pregnant While We Were on a Break!" When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. Argh. iseeshiny The only one who we know is expecting him to be a father is the letter writer. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. LOL. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. You want to work on your social skills. lets_be_honest This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. Like raising a child is easy. I know, right? Men will never have to make that choice. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot.